The days and nights that I have zero regrets about are often the days I have to pep talk to get myself there. I call these the "fake it until you make it" days.
I came up with this specific pep talk in college when getting dressed up to go out wasn't easy. I wanted to go spend time with my friends but it was the voice of the devil on my shoulder riding along while I was in the shower, doing my hair, doing my makeup, getting my shoes on, the first five minutes of being out...really wanting me to show up small and insignificant. If I listened, he would be telling me that it wasn't worth the effort.
Well, guess what? He's wrong! And, he's always wrong!
See, these are the moments that are testing you to show up in the world. They are the lessons that are pushing you to find your voice, put in effort, or explore something new. I have never regretted a day when every time this little piss ant would try to hold me down or belittle my efforts, I would repeat: "Fake it until you make it." I would pretend, imagining if I could let this stress go just enough, I knew I would have a great time! I could only do my best to get ready or prepared chanting this phrase in my head, even to my friends as I grabbed my keys and said tonight "I'm faking it until I make it." They may or may not notice, and ultimately I would have a blast because at some point, I had forgotten why I didn't want to be there in the first place.
For me, it was a way of getting out of my own way. I was doing my best and that was enough. No more, no less. These were the days that I ended up having the most fun.
These days, I still get these pangs of "Oh shit. Do I want to be there?" or "Do I really want to do that?" and I realize that "Fake It Until You Make It" is actually a confidence mantra for myself. It's a way for me to check in with my intuition to objectively challenge this asshole: OK does he really have something on me or this situation that I am not seeing or is this a preventing me from my own potential? The voices can sound similar sometimes so it's important to check in with your senses.
Is this voice in your head or on a shoulder where these ego-voices live? Or, is it in your heart or your gut where your inner Knowing is?
By acknowledging the voice with objectivity you'll definitely know whether or not it has your back. If you could just let go, and accept the voice telling you "Ugh" is wrong, you are giving yourself permission to stop caring or worrying about the harsh critic.* My estimate is 99% of those concerns are only things you would notice. Through "faking it" you're allowing yourself to play into the optimism, truly dismissing the feeling of helplessness or powerlessness. What an amazing opportunity to practice freedom of choice!
*Don't get me wrong, if the best option is to stay in or do more prep, you do you. Your true inner voice will be loving and honest with you, not berate you. Once you start discerning what that voice looks like for you, it gets easier. One thing is FOR SURE, your inner knowing will never talk down to you. Your inner knowing is your cheerleader, your ally, and your lovingly, loyal BFF.
Our minds are tricky, so win on your terms.
In those moments, you can beat 'em or join 'em. It's a choice. All you can do is your best with what you got, and if you make the effort to beat the relegating voice, you're already winning.
To hold your head even higher you can use: "I stand in confidence." It has a nice rhythm to it. I say "I Stand In Confidence" over and over before I go into meetings, presentations, uncertain social events, dates, nights out, whatever it might be. Heck, even sometimes when I am taking a moment before responding I will repeat this in my head. No one needs to know when I am feeling unconfident. It's simply a matter of perception. Say it out loud or repeat it loudly in your head if you're in the office right now. Feel those words resonate through you. You're connecting to your inner voice! And, maybe he or she has been neglected for too long. If your a kinesthetic person, try tapping a fingertip to your thumb with each word. It's a wonderful way to ground and get you reconnect to what matters: YOU and the choice that you don't need permission from anyone else to make. If you're interested in having a physical anchor or object, use carnelian.
Carnelian is a type of agate that activates your sacral chakra, the Confidence Command Center. It activates vitality and can help you quiet that annoying voice and step back into your own personal power. It can't hurt to try it--it is just a rock. ;) Carnelian is super helpful for me in a variety of situations and I always feel more centered and capable when I have on me or in my space when I need a little more encouragement. The best part it's super reasonable and easy to find (you can even find it on beaches in Washington state)! Whether it's a tumbled piece or in jewelry, it's beautifully accessible.
Trust me, more often than not, this phrase will save your ass and you'll end up impressing yourself and that silence that jerk who wants you to stay in and stay "not enough." Screw that guy, you're already magnificent.
It's time to try on that feeling, even if you have to fake it until you make it.
If this is an area where you know there's more to it for you and want to defeat it, book a coaching session with me. The first intro is always complimentary and we'll get you moving forward.
If you want to buy some carnelian and have no idea where to start, contact me or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I offer highly personalized, affordable help in finding you just the right piece.