July 18, 2015

"One of the best gifts I recently received is the gift of an open heart. I've yearned for another to look back at me and as I them. Gratitude doesn't even begin to describe it Reflecting on my past year almost one year since I met him, I've experienced so many dark emotions we try and shelter ourselves from. Grief. Betrayal. Hurt. Sorrow. Mourning. Really this past year took me into starying down the darkest parts of my soul and shining a bright light right into the face of all those dark secrets. In doing so, I don't think I've ever been brighter or more sparkly. Website check. Facebook promotion check. Now to pour my love and assured positive energy into making me better. I have no doubt in my future. I have love and laughter and wonderful people around me who support me and their confidence is shedding the past. Despite the at times real, honest loneliness that comes with it. Growing, evolving, is real hard work. And not for the ego seekers. It takes vulnerability and honesty to embark on this path of Soul. I maintain my faith that

"Begin to weave and God will give me his thread."

Everyday I embark to self-discovery, to seek centeredness, grounded in the present. Not ruled by my emotions any more. One of the lessons is when carrying other people's baggage, you arms are full--your emotional luggage relegated and waiting. If left unattended for too long, someone is bound to pick through it, taking all the worthwhile stuff, leaving the unglamorous parts strewn about the side walk. 

You're called here to find love for yourself. To care for yourself. You're called here to make a positive impact. You will embrace your light. It's already happening. When you listen to the language of your emotions, you are able to love. Going through the dark parts of life is natural, it makes you more brilliant. We are here to shine so others can see."

Balanced

I shared this in my Facebook group in February, and since then, I have had the privilege of working with more individuals who are consciously creating their new identity on how they want to show up in the world. If, after you read this, you want to talk, let's do so. 

Much Love, T

sovereign.jpg

 

I am feeling called to share a deeply personal story today. A story that is rooted in a lot of uncertainty and shame for a long time. My intention is to share why healing shame is such a profound gift for finding out who you are and what you are made of.

Ok deep breath, T.

In second grade, I remember distinctly reading a Time Magazine for kids article about twins, who were separated after birth, had a longing throughout their life for their counterpart. Knowing, that out in the big world, there was someone just like them.

My heart ached because I knew what they were feeling. I, too as a little girl, knew what it meant to miss part of you you've never met.

You see, from as far back as I can remember, I have always had this sense that there was another "me" out there. Exactly like me. My counterpart in every way.

Except, he was a boy.

For years, I would look at myself in the mirror, staring myself in the eyes, asking aloud: where are you? Honestly I can consciously remember doing this in 2nd grade (6 years old!) and through 8th grade. I never told anyone. I was so afraid of being weird. Or how could I explain that there was a part of myself that felt like he was out there waiting for me?

I knew I could never tell anyone because I would be labeled a freak, or worse, be denied that this wasn't "real."

This balance between masculine and feminine played out in many iterations.

I was chastised and told to "cover up" my boobs consistently as a teen and even a year ago. I was not entitled for my body to just be because boys were distracted and teasing. I wore the ugliest, unlined bras until into college because there was no way I was going to even add a .25" or less of padding to my already inappropriate, and unwelcomed body.

I didn't wear t-shirts until my mid-20s because I thought t-shirts were too masculine.

My junior year of college, I vowed to stop buying chick flicks and instead started to seek out more "guy friendly" movies.

There were very few people who I told I was bi because I didn't want to be labeled "just doing it for attention." Honestly, I knew I liked women before I knew I liked men.

All of these experiences caused shame to root deeper. My whole existence felt polarized, and that I was too much female while my Soul felt aligned with a more masculine identity. I never, ever talked about my shameful secret.

Fast forward to a Fate Date where everything started shifting. I met a psychic who, NO JOKE, point blank asked me: "did you ever feel like you were supposed to be a boy?"

Uhhhhhhhhhh.....

She knew within the first five minutes of being in her room. I was caught! and Shocked.

It feels silly to me now to think that questioning my gender identity is some dark shameful secret. But it was for a long time.

That session with the psychic was radical and life changing. Spending an hour with her once changed my life for the better. I dove into crystals and meditation at that time. My life journey forever altered for the better. What I learned from her, I seek in my service to provide: soul connections.

What I have come to learn in my years of studying spirituality is how much the balance of the masculine and feminine is rooted in almost every creation story or belief system, with some Native American tribes believing there are 7 genders.

I have learned we are all somewhere between the two polarities at any given moment in our life. These nuances express our dynamic Soul self. We are all a combination of masculine and feminine, divine and wounded. With toxic it corrupts our expression of either.

We can utilize masculine and feminine energy, and there is nothing weak or shameful about it. So for the years that I put down myself for my sensitivity for thinking it was weak, I have forgiven myself. In fact, I now own my feminine as as sacred. As the sacred, receptive energy it is. My masculine side has been my wounded self, and I have allowed Him to be present safely. Masculine energy is assertive and linear, but it's not the only way to exist.

Masculine energy says: either or, a or b, white or black? Never gray. Always a right answer. Must dominate. Conquer.

In life, there's complexity, beauty in the layers. Flexibility, waiting, responsiveness. That's the feminine. Yin to her yang.

Cutting my hair short felt like an embrace of my non binary identity. I felt confident in laying across genders, embracing their complexity and learning what that identity means to me each and every day. Looking at each part of myself from an understanding and embrace of masculine and feminine taught me how to heal wounded versions. The me that was a sad little girl, missing her male counterpart, welcomed that boy with love and a hug.

On Monday, I spent time with a client and friend who has recently embraced they/them as their pronouns, and I felt truly seen. They saw me at my soul level, an amalgamation of all and both. I saw them for who they are, a Divine Soul who understands people with more sincerity and genuineness because they are showing up authentically as their self.

For the first time in my life, I feel whole. We are all made up of cosmic layers of energetic stardust both ethereal and physical. Those atoms all vibrate at frequencies that align specifically for you.

That's the gift of being here: to show up as you are.

You are seen, and you are loved regardless.

I see you, and I love you for who you are.

Since earlier this year I have worked with over a half dozen people about owning their identity and navigating the depression and anxiety that can come with figuring it out. There's so much guilt and shame which we hold onto to conform ourselves to others' standards. Right now, we need as many people being their true self, to shine their authentic light. 

If you're tired of feeling less and living inauthentically, let's work together. I always offer a complimentary chat so we can see if coaching is a fit for you. With coaching, we move you forward. What would healing these wounds and self acceptance bring you?

Between the Opposites Lies The Path

Between the Opposites Lies The Path

With the rise in understanding and valuing emotional intelligence, empathy is often exercised through how we interact and treat people. However, there's strength in cultivating a deep sense of emotional intelligence from within. This strength allows us to not be merely reactionary to our emotions and instead maintain a sense of peace in the present.

TO FACE YOUR FEARS, YOU MUST LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FIRST FOR HAVING THEM.

This means letting go of the shame, guilt, sadness, and anger.

To face your fears, you must first forgive yourself for having them..jpg

Rather than #vaguebook, I will share some of what I have been through in the last 5 years (some days it feels like 5 lifetimes of shit):

*Two toxic 9-5 jobs with one that had manipulatively untrue allegations launched against me, and an exec who's micromanagement style caused over 50% of the team to turnover in 1.5 years

*A period of spiritual growth period that left me feeling very alone, shamed and judged. I had to learn some tough lessons including causing irreparable damage to some of my longest relationships. This shift has culled some people out of my life, and it's completely transformed and DEEPLY ENHANCED the relationships in my life.

*A weight loss journey that caused a problem with binge eating and was a diagnosable eating disorder. From which, recovering from this was the greatest form of healing on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

*A brain injury where people questioned my chronic illness and resulting depression. It has taken all my faculties to learn kindness and love from within as a result.

After years of deep sadness, hurt, and shadow searching time, I crave light. I spent time in darkness feeling scared that my experiences, my own journey of who I am now, would disconnect me from people. When really, it's the opposite. The heavy emotions you are feeling are normal. And, they're revealing something to you.

You may feel like you're the only one in the world who gets it, and while that's true sometimes, sharing what your feeling and what your needs are is the first step to coming out of the darkness and slaying the fear dragon. You must forgive yourself for feeling "broken" or "damaged". Forgive yourself for the anger, the guilt, and the shame that you are feeling because these are deeper lessons which uncover how bright your Light is and where you keep Love. 

As I have learned through my own Saturn Return and Dark Night of Soul, as well as coached many people through these periods of their life, what's best is to allow yourself to be heard. I listen. I hold space. I help translate these emotions in a language your heart, mind, and soul can understand. As we venture deeper into our conscious awareness of how we show up in the world, we can connect to more of the magic around us. We can dial into our intuition, our strength of sensibilities, and connect more authentically to those around us. 

In this period of time, I can say resolutely that we need more authenticity. More people willing to share what they've learned and what they're going through. The best part? Doing it on your own terms in a space that makes you feel safe. Yes, relationships may evolve, but as you dig deeper into what makes you work, how you feel, you will attract better aligned relationships with people who understand, empathize, and love and support you. This is when abundance happens!

It all starts with forgiveness. 

If you're ready to let go of shame and guilt, and get living life with happiness and joy, let's get on the phone and talk. I always offer complimentary intro sessions to see if how I may be of service to help unstick you in the cycle of shame.