Since turning 30 I have learned some wonderful life lessons, some tears, and more importantly I feel more whole and beautiful than I have than any other time since childhood. It's a beautiful feeling and I am celebrating it with a 101 to 31 challenge. 101 days of self care and celebrating this wonderful new decade. Ready to celebrate your life? Set your own goals and share on instagram with #101to31 !
As I continue to grow my business offering crystals for the home and healing, I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude to connect special pieces that impact the lives whom the crystals go home with. It is my intention for this blog series, "Stone Story", to reveal an intimate and vulnerable story about an experience I have had with a specific crystal or stone. I believe that, if we pay attention, there are huge miracles and shifts that happen when we knowingly and intentionally let crystals into our personal space.
Fake it until you make it is your greatest ally in quieting the attitude that keeps us playing small. This is your defense to get it done and have a great time doing it.
I speak openly about my experiences with this darkness because on the surface, I appeared to be functioning in a "normal" capacity. Even the bits of acting a bit more removed or sad were considered acceptable by our culture, but underneath a storm was raging. This storm disconnected and isolated me to the point where I literally could not feel love--even the love inherent in our beautiful earth. I think that's what I want people to hear most. The person suffering is using all of their resources to withstand the turmoil of sadness and loneliness that escape and running away becomes the only known peace. I speak from my own experiences swimming in that water, and withstanding the wind and hail.
This Thanksgiving weekend I spent a lot of time in reflection and warm company. If it weren't for my moldavite crystals, I would be shocked about how much change and transformation has occurred in this past year. New beginnings, said goodbye to another toxic work environment, said hello to being my own bosslady, and been welcomed into a beyond amazing, talented, sparkly Tribe.
With all of these new beginnings, I feel like sharing something important and personal--my poetry. When I was in junior high and high school, I journaled nearly every day. Most of them details of hang outs and crushes, teenage angst, and even raw emotions--some I may even post and reflect on here. One outlet for me to express myself was through poetry. College happened, and honestly until last Summer--11 years later!--I wasn't in touch emotionally with that part of me. I met someone special, and hello! I found inspiration to write again. I love how those chapters in our lives come full circle. Once an important part of me for so many years, laid dormant, waiting to be reawakened.
In my own sparkly way of putting myself out there and stepping into alignment, I wanted to share this specific poem I wrote on September 29th. It was a beginning of a new chapter for me, a year that taught me more about my shadows and lightness. This past year has been one of me fearlessly exploring my darkness, and illuminating the corners to become the warrior spirit I am meant to be.
Thank you for honoring my vulnerability, and please let me know what you think in the comments!
She always chased rainbows
Her shimmer reflected her open hearted optimism
Extinguished, she became dark and retreated.
Her eyes burned bright and her prismatic sadness glistened her cheeks.
Her pain felt only through screaming torn tissue,
Every fiber became confetti of relegated happiness.
Years of a moon cycle, wax, wane, full and new,
Ushered revolving cycles, and still her sorrow persisted,
At her best new moon, she carried herself with a shiny silver cover,
The emergency blanket enveloped the instability of her pleasance.
Others only saw her reflective surface unaware or deceived, she didn't mind.
She wanted to reveal, despite her shattered mirrors.
Crippled by broken realities
She waxed in girth, concealing her pain through consumption of color.
If she couldn't find it, she devoured artificialness.
Becoming too full
Her intensity struck blinding lightening, a sign of her repressed peace.
Anger and crippled emotions, boiled over.
Still electrified, she waned.
Colorful composition and disposition, she wore what she couldn't find within.
Polarizing, she remained apathetic to her aged bruises.
Where was the girl who chased rainbows,
Who wore dew drops and the earth as her skin?
Sun beams of transformation, revealed the rainbow inclusions of her journey,
Fragmented, unified, radiating brightly into light.
No need to chase external rainbows, she learned,
They reflect from within.
Unstoppable and irrepressible, she became a beacon
To illuminate and inspire others to find their rainbows.
Tiffany C. Hammer
With the rise in understanding and valuing emotional intelligence, empathy is often exercised through how we interact and treat people. However, there's strength in cultivating a deep sense of emotional intelligence from within. This strength allows us to not be merely reactionary to our emotions and instead maintain a sense of peace in the present.
A summary of what I learned from, was fascinated by, and what I was feeling.
All problems stem from separation; therefore the solution is connection.
This is one of my favorite tenets from Transformational Life Coaching.
Think about this concept: when was the last time you felt left out? Not smart enough? Ostracized? Neglected a friendship? Or even contemplated "not being around"?
These feelings come from a sense of not belonging, lacking, or removed from where or how we want to be accepted. It's a lonely place to be in. It can lead to widening gaps of separation because of associated feelings of bitterness, anger, or withholding forgiveness. These create bigger walls of distance, which eventually can create a point of no return. Think about a relationship that ended (friendship, with a family member, or partner). What sparked the distance? Could it have been avoided through connection and listening?
I have been letting this idea marinate for a couple of weeks, and it's created some profound insights about my own behavior and the relationship I have with myself and others. I thought I would share to offer connection or empathy for anyone who's feeling alone or separated.
We all have our walks to walk, and you don't need to walk in isolation. Sometimes sharing what you've recently gone through makes this world a bit more authentically interconnected.
How do I know if I am feeling disconnected?
There are a number of ways this can look like: electing to "hibernate" or "stay in" socially. You can feel fatigued or always "SO BUSY". It can also be the mask that we wear to ensure we feel safe and in our own bubble, even though the mask is not an authentic expression of who we really are.
How do I resolve this disconnection?
Everyone is different. For me, my disconnection usually stems from my ego mind warping a situation and creating an illusion as to what I experienced. Typically, I feel like I did something radically wrong or acted inappropriately. To an extent, yeah, that does happen, but my ego mind can really blow this out of proportion. Personally, I find that walking barefoot outside (sometimes called Earthing) is a tangible feeling of connection to the bigger picture. This is a not a new concept, rather it's quite primitive. The theory is that our bodies are designed to come into contact with the Earth on regular basis. In doing so, all of the positive electrons in the form of "free radicals" build up in our bodies and direct contact with the ground neutralizes them with a negative charge. By connecting with the earth, I feel more grounded and clear headed. I can sift through the feelings of what is real and tangible versus what's unnecessarily amplified. This provides me the first step towards reconnection. By having the self care time for reflection, I feel more connected to myself and therefore can reconnect with others.
Not a fan of walking barefoot outside? Find a sacred space that you can sit quietly or relax (a bath, favorite chair, etc.). Get in touch with what's been going on. Ask yourself:
*When did this funk first happen?
*How have you disconnected? Where has it helped (maybe certain people or situations)? Where has it left you feeling alienated?
*Is there a person, place, or thing, that inspires you? Where you feel like your most authentic version of yourself?
I ask myself these things while outside--but you can do this anywhere as long as it's in a place where you can be honest.
You are the only audience. Be surprised by what you hear. Feel whatever comes up.
After getting to the root of your disconnection, come up with one manageable thing you know you can accomplish. Reaching out to a friend and opening up about what you've been going through. Take part in a new, or long dusted, hobby. Write a Facebook post of gratitude. These kinds of activities remind you that you're not alone. As someone who frequently has felt this separation, taking small steps towards reconnection helps immensely--as long as you are caring for yourself and checking in with what rings true on the inside. If you're finding the disconnection is a dangerously dark place, like suicide, there's help. There's NO SHAME in getting help--I have.
You are not alone, and empathy exists in this world to support you. All problems, big and little, can be resolved through connection and empathetic compassion. Take a deep breath. You got this.
Associated crystals (what helps me reframe and connect): Black Tourmaline and Ocean Jasper
Black Tourmaline: helps to ground out negativity
Ocean Jasper: brings an uplifiting and positive attitude to approach feelings of depression and anxiety
Have you had a wild "ah-ha" moment, where everything feels like you are looking at the world differently? Perhaps your norm feels unfamiliar. Usually these phantom feelings mean you are waking up, and it happens when you are raising your frequency and vibration. When we do our own soul searching or in more colloquial terms, personal development, we are reconstructing new shifts in how we perceive the world around us. You are looking at the world differently because you are evolving. If you are seeking change, you'll probably experience this feeling--and it's OK!
This video hit me right in the kisser. I felt this way when I started my own business. Actually, when I was still just thinking about starting it. My world started feeling new and different. It can be overwhelming, but the purpose is to help guide you towards the Divinely supported opportunities in front of you, and to reconnect you to what brings you joy and fulfills your soul and spirit.
Here are some of my key takeaways from the video below.
✨Look at where you are afraid to put boundaries or say no.
✨Investigate where you feel most authentic and do those things instead.
✨Don't make yourself small or preoccupy yourself with how others may respond.
We are all on our own journeys and you're allowed to be compassionately genuine to yourself before all others.
I believe in the decisions you make to support yourself on this roller coaster. If your intentions are coming from a loving and pure place, you are supported by the Universe to make good things happen.
5 Easy Ways to Tackle Clutter
"You Can Only Control What You Can Control"
By: Tiffany C. Hammer
Last weekend my boyfriend and I were talking about some current worries and anxieties. They can pile up, and if you're not present, all of sudden these seemingly small problems become an avalanche. Unacknowledged stress is a source of many mental and physical ailments. The preoccupations can derail us from accomplishing our goals and leave us stranded, paralyzed by the unknown. One way to alleviate the stress is to change our attitude, our perceptions, so that we can tackle what we can handle and resolve, letting go of the rest. "You can control what you can control is a powerful mantra to help reframe and regain control of what's happening in your life."
I have had my share of paralyzing anxiety in my life, and if you have ever been anxious, worried so far about what might happen that you end up feeling beyond stuck and powerless. For me, this particularly happens when I get preoccupied about all the details, present drama or the worries of my colleagues, friends, family, etc. I fall into my own patterns of being an emotional sponge--absorbing the emotions and feelings of those around me, whether or not they are even conscious of them. This mantra saved me in a big way a few years ago. I was in job in which exceeding expectations was the minimum and a senior manager who "motivated" by instilling a fear that nothing would ever suffice, and small, easily rectified mistakes were belabored. Over the course of a few months, my own manager, a gatekeeper of the unpleasant feedback, began to become crippled by fear and anxiety. She had newfound health problems and appeared to be in a relentless pattern of never being good enough. I would sit in my one-on-one meetings with her listening and finding myself increasingly absorbing this crippling stress. I felt hopeless to please our senior manager, and that our team was predestined for failure. Between my manager and myself, we weren't making any progress.
Outside of work, I was cultivating a deeper spiritual practice for myself. I began meditating regularly and learning about the power of affirmations. After success with "I choose to be happy", and turning this affirmation into a belief, I decided I needed to come up with a way for me to reframe my current professional situation. How it started was by listening to the never-ending negative feedback from my boss, and asking her: "what can we do?" If the feedback was something that we could address and prevent from occurring next time, we then would come up with troubleshooting action plan. This left me feeling capable and knowing exactly where to start to resolve the present situation. If it was feedback regarding something beyond our control, or dependent on variables that we couldn't fix or improve, I tried to stay objective and discard the stressful trickle down worry. After practicing this in every meeting, and reflecting about it in meditation: "You Can Only Control What You Can Control" became explicitly worded and I carried it closely in my personal space. I transcribed this phrase on a post-it and taped it to my computer monitor, and I would repeat it when I would become incensed with panic or fretting about the details I had no control over. It helped me start focusing on the parts of the project I could do well, communicate what I needed, or find solutions in arising problems. Another great benefit for adopting this mantra was that I stopped absorbing the stress of my boss which clouded my perspective. I couldn't thrive in a fear-based environment, and this mantra helped me stay level headed and logical.
Have you ever been told that you can be your own worst enemy? This can be very true when we are worried about the pieces of the puzzle that are beyond our control. That stress inhibits our ability to see clearly what is directly in front of us or the pieces of the puzzle that we can easily tackle. It also helped me reframe my boss' preoccupations over time and improved our own communication dynamic becoming a more effective team. When we are in a fear state of mind our reality becomes distorted and we easily mess up the little things or avoidable problems happen because we are too wrapped up or busy-minded about the "what ifs" or the worry that we aren't ______ enough. Using a mantra like "You Can Only Control What You Can Control" can help us take a pause, a deep breath, and then gain a clear focus on what's directly in front of us. It's a powerful tool to remember your participation in the situation, to objectively look for a solution from all sides of the problem, and to find a favorable, do-able outcome or resolution.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, give this mantra a shot. I guarantee that after using it daily for a week or two, you will start to remember the undoubtable power you have to troubleshoot and create the right answers. Phrase this mantra in your own words and carry it with you. Write it on your bathroom mirror, on a small slip of paper and carry it in your wallet like Karl does with his affirmations, or simply repeat five times when your mind is trying to race away from you. Remember you are a person of value who can easily create a solution. You got this!
Related crystal: Chrysocolla